10 Things You Should Know Before Adopting Transracially

Are you thinking about adopting a child of a different race? If so, there are several things to consider before making the decision. Most articles covering transracial adoption discuss black hair care while this is important it's only one aspect of what adoptive families must think about.
When we were pursuing adoption we originally requested to not adopt a black child, but would consider it. Why? Due to a job we had moved from the North to the deep South which to our dismay was shockingly overtly racist. We were concerned how a black child adopted by a white parents would be treated. We were, however, looking for an open adoption as we felt that connection to the birth family would be vital to the wellbeing of any child we raise.

Then we got a call. A young black mother who was pregnant with her second child wanted to meet us. She felt she could not raise another at that time and was hoping to find a family with whom she could maintain contact especially so the siblings would grow up knowing each other.

She considered other options such as kin and a black family but decided their situation was not the best for her child. We had to do some deep reflection and honest discussion with our black friends to make a decision. We didn't go into this unaware of the implications of race in America.

We decided we wanted more than to raise a child, we wanted to raise a child who would thrive. After much consideration we decided we could give this child what they needed, a connection to their birth family and birth culture. This is love unbound.

In an interview with Adoption.com Angela Tucker, a nationally-recognized advocate for adoptee rights and star of the documentary CLOSURE. In the interview Angela made it clear that white people considering transracial adoption must be ready – both emotionally and intellectually – for some very important conversations about privilege, racism and cultural identity. Most importantly though is being willing to listen actively if their children ever voice any concerns or questions they may have around these subjects along their journey as an adopted person of color.

So here's 10 things according to Angela Tucker that adoptive parents must consider when adopting transracially.

1. You must be comfortable talking about white privilege.

If you are considering adopting a child of a different race, or already have, it's important to be honest with yourself about your ability to talk about white privilege . Being comfortable discussing America's racial history is crucial. Otherwise you privilege perpetuates the harmful systems that will affect your child. As Angela Tucker notes, "If you are not comfortable talking about white supremacy, you cannot adequately parent kids of color." Understanding the history and impact of racism is essential for providing a supportive and inclusive home environment for your child. Don't shy away from discomfort - embrace it as an opportunity for growth and learning.

2. Why you want to adopt a child of color?

Adopting a child of color is a serious decision that requires introspection and self-reflection. You need to ask yourself why you want to adopt a child of color and be prepared for the unique challenges that come with it.
It's important to understand that adoption, especially transracial adoption, can be traumatic for children as it severs their relationship with their birth parents and culture.
You must be willing to have uncomfortable conversations about race, privilege, and white supremacy. If you're not ready to address these issues head-on, then transracial adoption may not be right for you. Furthermore, you need to examine your own biases and prejudices before bringing a child of color into your home.
It's also crucial to understand the impact of American norms on people of color and how they may affect your child's sense of self-worth. As an adoptive parent, you should never be complicit in racism or disregard your child's cultural heritage.
Finally, listen carefully to adult adoptees' experiences and amplify their voices whenever possible. They can offer invaluable insights into what it means to grow up as an adopted person of color in America today.

3. Your child won’t have the luxury of avoiding the conversations of race, privilege, and supremacy.

One thing to know if you're considering adopting transracially is that your child won't be able to avoid conversations about race, privilege, and supremacy. For example, imagine your child innocently playing on the playground when they become the victim of a racial micro-aggression. You need to be prepared to spot these situations and take action.
Schools may not offer accurate teachings about our country's racist past, so it's up to you as a parent to educate yourself and your child about history. It can be uncomfortable, but it's important for both you and your child to understand the truth in its entirety.
Don't shy away from difficult conversations or topics - embrace them with an open mind and willingness to learn. By doing so, you'll create a safe space for your child where they can feel heard and supported.

4. If your child will be your first black ‘friend,’ you aren’t ready to adopt transracially.

According to transracial adoptee Chad Goller-Sojourner, adopting a child of a different race shouldn't be your first experience with that community. In an interview with NPR, he talked about growing up as the only black person that his parents knew and how he had to learn how to be black. As an adoptive parent, it's important to have a genuine connection and interest in the culture from which you're adopting, rather than treating your child as if they are your "first black friend." By immersing yourself in the community beforehand, you'll be better equipped to support and understand your child's experiences.

5. You cannot be complicit in racism and simultaneously love your child’s culture.

It's not enough to simply love your child's culture if you're complicit in racism. As a transracial adoptive parent, it's crucial to speak out and take action against injustices like white supremacy. Being aware of systemic racism is the first step towards creating a better world for your child and other people of color.
It may mean having difficult conversations with friends and family members who don't understand the struggles that people of color face every day. However, staying silent or inactive only perpetuates the problem. Take cues from iconic civil rights activist Rosa Parks: "Racism is still with us. But it is up to us to prepare our children for what they have to meet, and hopefully we shall overcome."
As a white woman raising a child of color, I know I must recognize my privilege and use my voice to stand up against injustice whenever possible. This means celebrating diversity, reaching out to friends of color, posting on social media about important issues like #BlackLivesMatter, and supporting organizations that work towards racial equality.
In short, being a transracial adoptive parent requires an ongoing commitment to actively fighting against racism in order to create a brighter future for all our children.

6. Colorism. American norms still posit whiteness as best/prettiest/smartest/richest etc.

Colorism is still an issue in America, and it affects people of color in subtle but powerful ways. We live in a country where whiteness is often seen as the standard for beauty, intelligence, and success. This lack of representation can make it difficult for people of color to see themselves achieving great things. If your child dosen't see themselves represented in various positions in society, they will question if those positions are even attainable for them. This lack of representation matters and needs to be addressed.

7. You may not be the best parent to your child in certain situations.

When it comes to adopting transracially, it's crucial to recognize your own limitations as a parent. While you may be committed to providing love and support for your child, there will likely be certain situations where you don't have the necessary knowledge or experience to provide guidance.
For example, discussing issues of implicit bias and police brutality can be challenging topics for any parent. But if you're a white parent with a child of color, it's important to understand that your child may benefit from hearing about these issues from someone who looks like them - someone who has lived through similar experiences.
As Tucker wisely points out, sometimes parents need to seek outside help when they lack expertise in a particular area. Just like hiring a piano teacher for your child rather than trying to teach them yourself if you don't play the instrument - seeking out additional resources and support in certain situations is vital for ensuring that your child receives the best possible care and guidance.
Remember: being an adoptive parent is not just about providing love - it also involves recognizing when outside help is needed so that you can give your child the tools they need to navigate life successfully.

8. Your comfort or discomfort with people who are different than you.

It's important to ask yourself how comfortable you are with being around people who are different from you. Have you ever attended an event where you were in the minority? As a white person, it's crucial to understand that even if you adopt a child of color, you're still part of the majority culture. Don't use your child as an excuse to try and celebrate other cultures - ask yourself if you would be interested in those cultures if you hadn't adopted your child.
Being comfortable with people who are different from us is essential when adopting transracially. If we can't see beyond our own cultural bubble, we won't be able to provide our children with the support they need in navigating their own identities and experiences. So take some time to reflect on this point before deciding whether transracial adoption is right for your family.

9. How Your “friends” Respond to “#BlackLivesMatter”

Do you have friends who haven't shown support for #BlackLivesMatter? It's time to take a closer look at your friendships and consider if they align with your values. Your child needs to feel safe around people who understand and respect their racial identity, so it's important to surround yourself with like-minded individuals. If someone seems defensive or insensitive about these issues, it may be time to educate them or reconsider the relationship altogether. Remember, your child's well-being always comes first.

10. Listen, seek out, amplify, and lift the voices of adult adoptees.

Don't underestimate the value of seeking out and listening to the voices of adult adoptees. These individuals have lived experiences that can provide valuable insight into what it means to be a transracial adoptee. Their stories, perspectives, and opinions should be lifted up and amplified whenever possible.
It's important to remember that as an adoptive parent, you are not the only authority on your child's life or identity. You may not have all the answers, but by actively seeking out and valuing the perspectives of adult adoptees, you can create a more informed and supportive environment for your child.
So take the time to listen to those who have walked this path before you. Seek out their stories, engage in meaningful conversations with them, and amplify their voices whenever possible. By doing so, you'll gain a deeper understanding of what it means to navigate race, culture, and identity as a transracial adoptee - knowledge that will undoubtedly benefit both you and your child in countless ways.