Black Adoptees Want White Parents to Know This...

As a white adoptive parent of a black child, I understand the importance of bringing racial awareness into our family. It's been a journey, but I've learned so much about the unique challenges that transracial adoptees face, especially when it comes to identity and belonging.

One of the most important things I've learned is that it's crucial to acknowledge and celebrate our child's racial and cultural heritage. This means learning about their history, traditions, and customs, and incorporating them into our family life. We celebrate Black History Month, attend cultural events, and seek out black mentors, books and movies that feature black characters and stories.

Another important aspect of raising a black child in a white family is addressing issues of discrimination and racism. We have open and honest conversations about these topics, and I make sure to listen to my child's experiences and feelings. We also work to actively combat racism by speaking out against it and supporting organizations that fight for racial justice.

Overall, being a white parent to a black child is a privilege and a responsibility. It's not always easy, but it's worth it to help our child navigate the complexities of their identity and feel supported and loved in our family. We have to remember that Love is NOT enough. We have to actively support our kids in ways that help them cultivate a positive racial identity.

If you’re looking for more tips on successful transracial adoptions we’ve got 8 great ones – outsource where necessary; invest in Black dolls (plus art and books); build a village of varied backgrounds; know that ‘color blindness’ upholds racism; let your child explore their culture; cut toxic relatives from the picture; take action as an activist and recognize the importance of diversity when it comes to schooling options.

1. White parents, Black kids: Outsource

Attention white parents who are considering adopting Black children: outsourcing is key. What do we mean by that? Well, it's important to seek out resources and support from the Black community. This means finding Black dolls, art, books and other cultural items for your child - representation matters!

It also means building a diverse village of teachers, mentors, friends and family members who can help provide guidance and understanding about your child's experiences as a transracial adoptee. And speaking of understanding - let go of the idea that "color blindness" is an acceptable approach to parenting. It is not. Acknowledge race and racism as part of your child's identity journey.

Finally, remember to allow your child space to explore their culture on their own terms. Encourage them to ask questions, attend cultural events, learn about their heritage and express themselves however they feel comfortable. It's important that everyone in the family is on board with this journey too - so don't be afraid to cut off racist relatives or educate others around you as needed.

By taking these steps towards supporting your transracially adopted child’s identity formation through celebrating diversity rather than suppressing it; you’ll be able to make sure they grow up feeling confident when it comes to navigating both cultures in a society where prejudice still exists.

2. Black dolls (and art and books) matter

When it comes to transracial adoption, it's important for white parents to understand the significance of Black dolls, art and books in their child's life. These items may seem like simple toys or decorations, but they hold a deeper meaning for Black children who are trying to navigate their identity in a predominantly white world.
By providing your child with Black dolls and art that reflect their own culture, you're sending them the message that their skin color is beautiful and valued. Additionally, reading books featuring diverse characters can help your child feel seen and understood.

It's also crucial to have a diverse village - surround yourselves with people of different races and cultures who can provide support and understanding. And don't fall into the trap of "color blindness" - ignoring race only perpetuates racism.
Encourage your child to explore their culture through food, music, dance or other activities. And if you have family members who are resistant to embracing diversity, consider cutting ties with them - everyone needs to be on board.

Finally, recognize the importance of diverse schools. Your child will benefit from being around kids from different backgrounds who can offer new perspectives.
By making these efforts and supporting your adopted child's cultural identity through black dolls (and art & books), you're creating a safe space where they can grow up feeling proud of who they are.

3. Have a diverse village

When it comes to adopting a Black child, it's important to have a diverse village of people in your life. This means more than just having a few Black toys around the house. I can't stress enough the importance of meeting your child's cultural needs and having meaningful relationships with people who share their culture.
While it may not be an official adoption requirement should be. It was a part of our open adoption education. Adoptive parents need to be asked how they plan to provide for their child's cultural needs and ensure they have access to a diverse community. It's not about transactional relationships - it's about building genuine connections and understanding.

So before considering transracial adoption, take a look at your circle of friends and acquaintances. Are they diverse? Do you have close relationships with people from different backgrounds? If not, start expanding your network and building meaningful connections. It will make all the difference for your adopted child as they grow up feeling supported, understood, and truly seen for who they are.

4. Know that 'color blindness' upholds racism

It's common for white parents to say that they don't see color and only see their child as an individual. However, this well-intentioned statement can actually be harmful to Black adoptees. It's important for parents to understand that acknowledging a child's race is crucial in helping them develop a positive self-image.

"You can't love us without seeing all of us, including our race," - Angela Tucker.
By pretending not to notice race, you're ignoring a major part of your child's identity and experiences. Instead, embrace your child's racial heritage and teach them about their culture. This will help your child feel seen and valued for who they are as a whole person.

5. Allow your child to explore their culture

As a white parent of a Black child, it's important to give your child the space and opportunity to explore their cultural identity. This means being open to their requests for hairstyles or traditional clothing that align with their heritage.

It also means encouraging them to learn about and connect with their birth family, if possible. Knowing their story is so important and will help reduce the trauma of separation from their birth mom. Adoptees have the right to know their story.

By providing opportunities for your child to explore their culture, you can help them feel a deeper sense of connection and belonging within themselves and the world around them. So be sure to listen closely when they express their interests or curiosity, and provide resources that will allow them to learn more about where they come from.

6. Everyone needs to be on board, so cut off your racist relatives

It's crucial that everyone in your life is on board with transracial adoption. That means having conversations with family and friends about how to talk about issues like adoption, birth families, and racism. Do not shy away from this.

If you have a relative or friend who holds racist beliefs and they are unwilling to change, it's important to cut ties with them. You don't want their harmful attitudes and behaviors affecting your child or creating a toxic environment for them.

This is especially important when it comes to talking about the birth family. Never allow anyone to speak negatively about them. By taking a strong stance against racism and surrounding yourself and your child with supportive people, you can create a safe space where they can thrive as an individual without being weighed down by negative influences from others.

7. Be an activist

It's important to be an activist when it comes to transracial adoption. Don't wait for a tragic event to start taking a stand against racism - many Black adoptees have seen their parents only begin to attend protests after the death of George Floyd in 2020. This can come off as virtue signaling and may not feel genuine.

To avoid this, it's essential that you become an activist before your child has to experience any form of discrimination. Speak out against racism whenever possible, join groups and organizations that support diversity, and educate yourself on the issues facing minority communities.

By being proactive in your activism, you'll set an example for your child and demonstrate the importance of standing up against injustice. Plus, it will help create a more inclusive world for all children - not just those who are part of transracial families.

8. Recognize the importance of diverse schools.

Let's face it, diversity is key. And if you're a white parent raising a Black child through transracial adoption, then recognizing the importance of diverse schools is crucial. Your child must be surrounded by peers and teachers who share their culture and can understand their experience as a person of color.

A diverse school environment means your child won't feel like an outsider or token representation of their race in class. Instead, they'll be able to see other kids that look like them, have similar backgrounds, and share experiences that will help them foster pride in themselves and their heritage.

By sending your adopted child to a school with diversity at its core, you are also acknowledging the importance of inclusivity early on in their life- which will provide for a stronger foundation going forward.